Introversion and Acting
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day, "This American Life." If you've never heard of it, it's a weekly show and the stories are all based in audio recordings and interviews. It takes you on an audible journey, and at times it almost seems like you're in the story. The interviews for this particular story were conducted in 2002 and were about a very unique theatre program at the Missouri Eastern Correctional Center called "Prison Performing Arts". Surprisingly, the program is still operational today. It introduces violent criminals to acting and theatre as a form of rehabilitation. The play that the prisoners were rehearsing at the time of these interviews was Shakespeare's Hamlet.
Now I won't get in-depth about this podcast, but I found it very, very intriguing. If you want to listen to it, it's Episode #218 of This American Life, entitled "Act V".
Anyway, as I was listening to the interviews with the inmates telling their reasons why they are trying their hand at acting, one person stood out. The man said "I've always wanted to be a con. I've always wanted people to like me." He went on to say that in the neighborhood where he'd lived the 'hero' was the bad guy. So to get people to like him, he would 'be the bad guy'. He acted like the bad guy, but that was not who he really was.
When I heard that statement, I had to pause the podcast, because it kind of took me by surprise. This man - this violent criminal - became a criminal so people would like him, even though underneath he was really a nice guy who just wanted to get noticed. I kind of related to it. Not the first part, though, at least in the literal sense. I have NOT always wanted to be a criminal. But he said 'con'. Think about the word 'con' for a minute. What is a con? A con is a person who makes other people believe he or she is someone else. In other words, an actor.
As for the second part, of course I want people to like me. don't we all? But being an introvert, that hasn't always been easy for me. But just as I didn't get into the podcast, I won't get into the intricacies of introverted life. If you want to learn more about the way I am, just Google it.
No, when I heard this convict say those words, I thought "Wow! I think he just confirmed what I have always believed about why I'm an actor!" OK, before I explain what I mean by that, I'll tell you that for most of my life, my level of self-esteem has been fairly low. I just have a really hard time liking who I am. I'm not really sure why. I would also say that I have more than a little anxiety. So I'm an anxious introvert who has trouble talking to people, feels uncomfortable in his own skin, and consequently has a hard time getting people to like him. Great.
Enter acting. In my mind, it's the perfect way to communicate with people, to not be myself, and hopefully, to get people to like me. When I pick up a script for the first time, it's exciting! I get to be another person. I get to figure out how he thinks, how he acts, and reacts. And then when I enter the stage for a performance I do not recite lines as my character, I AM my character. I have slipped out of myself and into another person. A person who is not me. And I am content and comfortable being him, even if it lasts only a few days.
One would think that having become so many different people that I might find it easy to interact, and relate to, others. On the contrary, it is still very difficult for me to be comfortable with myself being with people when I'm not in a play. Does that make sense? I cannot act like anyone but myself when I'm not performing. And as I've mentioned already, 'myself' is not a person I am particularly fond of. So I suppose I will just continue meditating, and acting, and be as content with myself as these things allow me to be.
If you have any insights into acting that I haven't mentioned, or if you can relate to anything I've written here, please feel free to comment below. I would love to hear from you.
Now I won't get in-depth about this podcast, but I found it very, very intriguing. If you want to listen to it, it's Episode #218 of This American Life, entitled "Act V".
Anyway, as I was listening to the interviews with the inmates telling their reasons why they are trying their hand at acting, one person stood out. The man said "I've always wanted to be a con. I've always wanted people to like me." He went on to say that in the neighborhood where he'd lived the 'hero' was the bad guy. So to get people to like him, he would 'be the bad guy'. He acted like the bad guy, but that was not who he really was.
When I heard that statement, I had to pause the podcast, because it kind of took me by surprise. This man - this violent criminal - became a criminal so people would like him, even though underneath he was really a nice guy who just wanted to get noticed. I kind of related to it. Not the first part, though, at least in the literal sense. I have NOT always wanted to be a criminal. But he said 'con'. Think about the word 'con' for a minute. What is a con? A con is a person who makes other people believe he or she is someone else. In other words, an actor.
As for the second part, of course I want people to like me. don't we all? But being an introvert, that hasn't always been easy for me. But just as I didn't get into the podcast, I won't get into the intricacies of introverted life. If you want to learn more about the way I am, just Google it.
No, when I heard this convict say those words, I thought "Wow! I think he just confirmed what I have always believed about why I'm an actor!" OK, before I explain what I mean by that, I'll tell you that for most of my life, my level of self-esteem has been fairly low. I just have a really hard time liking who I am. I'm not really sure why. I would also say that I have more than a little anxiety. So I'm an anxious introvert who has trouble talking to people, feels uncomfortable in his own skin, and consequently has a hard time getting people to like him. Great.
Enter acting. In my mind, it's the perfect way to communicate with people, to not be myself, and hopefully, to get people to like me. When I pick up a script for the first time, it's exciting! I get to be another person. I get to figure out how he thinks, how he acts, and reacts. And then when I enter the stage for a performance I do not recite lines as my character, I AM my character. I have slipped out of myself and into another person. A person who is not me. And I am content and comfortable being him, even if it lasts only a few days.
One would think that having become so many different people that I might find it easy to interact, and relate to, others. On the contrary, it is still very difficult for me to be comfortable with myself being with people when I'm not in a play. Does that make sense? I cannot act like anyone but myself when I'm not performing. And as I've mentioned already, 'myself' is not a person I am particularly fond of. So I suppose I will just continue meditating, and acting, and be as content with myself as these things allow me to be.
If you have any insights into acting that I haven't mentioned, or if you can relate to anything I've written here, please feel free to comment below. I would love to hear from you.
Comments
Post a Comment